Hello?  Hello?  Dusting off the old blog here….

I sit here as a new mom again.  I started this blog waaaay back in 2006.  Long before Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.  I find myself scrolling through memory lane frequently these days asking myself “What did I do when Connor was the same age Heidi is now?”  It’s true you forget things.  It’s so fun to see where we were at this point in our lives back then.  How little Connor used to be and the joy he brings.  I have met so many great friends through this blog.  So many other moms I’ve connected with on every level.

The last couple of months haven’t been without their struggles and sleepless nights, but they have also let me see certain things about my life I wouldn’t have without Heidi here.  The days are incredibly long and sometimes tiring.  I know this is a season and we’ll eventually get to leave the house without a panic.  I’ll be able to leave and not bring a diaper bag, breast pump, and all the extra things a baby requires.  I know that now….almost 10 years later because I’ve been through it before.

This too shall pass.  Not that I’m wishing time away…but life had gotten easy and simple the last few years.  Connor no longer requires supervision all the time.  He can use the bathroom on his own and dress himself.  Now, getting him to clean his room and bathe is another story!  I do miss the naps I would take and all the books I would read, but I also know in the grand scheme of life there’s a certain window for things.  Right now we have opened another window and someday it will shut and we won’t be able to open it again.  I’ll look through it and glance back at all the memories, but it won’t ever open.

Life is short and so fleeting.  I’m trying to remain positive, even when the days are long, I know they don’t last forever.

A job won’t last forever.  Friends won’t last forever.  A car won’t last forever.  Anything of this world won’t last….but hopefully the impact I’ve made on my kids and family will.  At this point a decade ago I was returning back to work and leaving Connor in the care of my sister-in-law.  I remember crying all the way to work that day thinking to myself “What kind of mother am I to just leave her tiny baby like this?”  Like everything else in life we eventually found a new routine and a new normal.  The days and nights turned to into months, and months into years.

This time around I work part time and I’m so lucky I can do most of my job from home.  I do miss adult conversations and the daily grind of a job some days.  I’m trying to soak in these days with just Heidi and I because this time around I know it’s such a short amount of time.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this post, I just know it’s freeing to write.  If you’re still with me then good for YOU!  The art of writing is slowly fading away in favor of an “instant” society where all we want to read tiny captions under perfectly styled photos.  I can tell you right now my day to day life isn’t that glamorous, but it’s authentic.  We all know I still enjoy the occasional Starbucks selfie.  Ha!

I sit here and write because everything has changed, but change can be good.  Not everything has to be about you all the time.  God is consistently teaching and showing me things and even though I don’t get it right all the time I know my heart is in everything I do.  Being a parent is the most sacrificial and self serving thing you can do.  It’s also the most rewarding and wonderful job in the world.

Connor & Heidi….I hope no matter how things change in the world you always know how much I love you and everything your Mama did was with heart.

My Dear Sweet Heidi,

I’ve been meaning to write this for well…seven weeks because that’s how old you are!  You were born on July, 1 2019 weighing in at 8 lbs. 3 oz.  Your brother beat you in the weight department, but thank goodness they took you early because I have a feeling you could have beat him.  All thanks due to my “advanced age”, excessive fluid, and you were breech.

Nana, Poppy, Nannie Sue, Granna, Pop, and Aunt Loyce were all at the hospital with Connor while you were delivered.  Your c-section seemed to take SO much longer than your brothers for some reason and it was ROUGH!  I loved your Doctor so much though.  Dr Marshall is an amazing woman and has helped us so much since last year when we lost a baby.

We arrived early to get checked in and it all went pretty quick from there until surgery started.  I was so nauseated before hand I remember having to lay down before they started.  Your Daddy got to be with me the whole time.

I didn’t hear you cry at first and it scared me a little bit.  After a few minutes (or probably seconds in my medicated state) I heard you cry and it was the best sound ever!

First picture with my TWO babies!  I never in a million years thought I would say that because we were always one and done…but in the back of our minds and hearts we would talk about it.  I’m so glad you are here and healthy and God decided to give us YOU!  You truly complete our family and now I can’t even imagine you not being here.

First picture as a family of four.  Your brother is so in love with you!  I know he’ll always be around for you and to protect you.  He’s got the sweetest heart and has waited a long time for you.  Sometimes he gets frustrated when you cry (as we all do) and says you are annoying….but this too shall pass.

He loves to hold you and give you kisses.

Aunt Bonnie took your newborn photos and we are so thankful.  You look like a little angel.  Bonnie, Vinny, & Jarrett came to visit shortly after you were born.  I am so excited for you to have Ella close in age and I hope you two are as close as Connor and Jarrett some day.

Our sweet Pop holding you

We love our Aunt Loyce so much!

Grannalovies 🙂  Thankful Granna came to stay a few days and help out too.  We are so blessed by her.  It takes a village is SO SO TRUE!

Poppy snuggles- we will HAVE to teach you how to squeak one day!

Nana kisses!  My Mom stayed an extra week with us and I truly don’t know what we would have done without her.  She helped us so much!  With everything from meals to laundry your Nana is one awesome lady.  Getting around after a c-section is no joke.  I cried so hard when she had to leave.  We had a week of chats and watching Stranger Things.  She lifted my spirits and blessed us in so many ways…it’s so true there is no other like your Mother.

Now this right here is someone I want you to always remember.  She’s the light of our family and the best person I’ll ever know.  She and Mom are the prayer warriors in our family and they pray for you every single day! Your Nannie Sue is treasured and loved by so many people, but we are so lucky she is OURS.  I have the greatest memories and times with she and Papa and I can’t wait to tell you all the stories I had on the farm growing up one day.  We are so HAPPY she got to be with us.  

Here you are at one month old.  The first month was not the easiest.  You would cry and cry and we couldn’t figure out what was wrong.  I’ve tried every kind of gas and soothing concoction out there!  This week has been so much better and you seem to be able to poo a lot better too!  Praise the Lord for poots and poo!  Ha ha!  I also had some really bad depression the first few weeks.  Hormones are crazy and I know it’s common to have baby blues…but man that was hard.

We’ve had a lot of visitors come to see you and we have cherished every visit.  It sure does lift my spirit to have adult conversations these days. Lol!

Here you are at 6 weeks and I just LOVE this picture.  It shows your sweet smile and personality.  You really are a good baby when you are fed, diapered, and loved on.  I’m so glad we are figuring each other out.  Your Daddy and I love you so so much Heidi and we pray God’s hand over your life and that He would guide you down the right path.  Always know that you are eternally loved and we are so in love with you!