Thoughts on a 2nd Child

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Bless his heart he carries all these animals around like they are his best friends.

I’ve never really talked about it before on the blog.  The desire and want to expand our family of three.  The truth is I’m so torn and not sure what to do.  I want to be thankful for our one perfect angel from Heaven.  It took us so long to have him & I’m not sure how long it would take to have another.

I didn’t have a glowing & beautiful pregnancy.  I hated being pregnant.  Gained over 70 pounds and had a 10 lb kiddo.  I had horrid nausea in the first trimester…so bad I didn’t know how I was going to get up out of bed all day.  The thought of going through all of that again scares me.  It’s totally worth it….but it scares me.

Connor is growing into such a fun little boy.  Sometimes I feel guilty because he is so needy and he desires a connection with other kids.  He’s told me before he would love a brother or sister.  I don’t quite know how to answer that?

Then there is the financial aspect of having another baby.  We’ve pretty much rid our household of all things baby related, so we’d have to re-purchase everything.  The cost of having a child in a hospital is super expensive (my insurance ain’t what it used to be!) and we certainly couldn’t afford two kids in daycare.  I know we can make sacrifices and make it work, but that would be so hard!

After we had him and experienced the endless nights of no sleep we told each other maybe this is it?  This is about all we can handle.  Lets face it, we are selfish parents and 100 % guilty of putting him in front of a TV in order to have some personal time.  We don’t read to him like we should, or do a lot of things like we “should”.  So with that comes a lot of guilt….can we give TWO enough time if we can’t give one child what he needs right now?

How do you do it?  How do you make time for yourself while still providing that attention to your child….let alone two, or three, or four?  Maybe I’m just drawing a blank because I just don’t know.

I had my annual “lady visit” a couple of weeks ago.  She kindly let me know that I was getting up there in age and once I reach 35 I’ll be considered high risk.  In my heart I would LOVE to have another child.  It’s the best, most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.  My husband is a planner, spreadsheets, and worry wart-whom I love dearly and am grateful for those qualities by the way!  How do we start to get on the same page?  I don’t want to look back 10 years from know and be resentful and wonder “what if?”

How do you know?  How do you manage? 

I’m lost here and just looking for advice and encouragement on the subject…because right now my heart is torn & very uncertain.

Thank you friends…..xo Becky

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11 thoughts on “Thoughts on a 2nd Child

  1. Oh girl, you so know where my heart is with the trying and not conceiving factor. We’re in this open hands stage right now. Lord, fill our home if it is what you have for us. The Lord is good and if you are supposed to extend your family, it’s going to happen whether you want it to or not…can I get an Amen?! I say you start praying diligently about your family open or closed.
    Jana recently posted…A Drop at a Thyme: Young Living Essential OilsMy Profile

  2. I totally understand everything you’re feeling. We’re in the same boat. We keep saying we’ll have another one, but I know I’m nowhere near ready for that. I think this is one of those situations that you just have to really pray hard about and ask the Lord for clarity and guidance. (Easier said than done, I know.) Just know that there are PLENTY of women having babies post 35… So don’t feel rushed!

  3. I so know how you are feeling in worrying about the time. Will you have enough time? Resources? Of course, I can’t answer the logistical questions for you about daycare costs, etc. but in terms of time, it’s amazing what you can get done. I called myself “busy” long before I ever had kids. Then when I had one baby, I called myself “busy” again, realizing that before having kids, I didn’t even know what that word had meant. Then, when I added twins to the family, I understood that the word “busy” is relative. The more we have to fit into our day, the more we’re able to accomplish. It truly is amazing. Will you have enough time? Absolutely! Will everything get done perfectly? No way. And that’s okay. We weren’t meant to be perfect beings anyway!
    Jacquelyn Howard recently posted…Gallery Wall Upstairs HallwayMy Profile

  4. I totally know what you mean. We waited until my 1st daughter was 2 before I even thought of having a second kid. Pregnancy was not fun, birthing was not fun, the expense of everything was not fun. I wasn’t sure I even wanted another child but knew how much fun my brother and I had when we were growing up. I know that Rose would have had a wonderful childhood either way, but I decided that giving her a sibling (if we could) was important. Not a decision we took lightly! It is harder financially but we are making it work. To watch them play together makes it worth while.

    That being said, I understand people who choose to just have one kid. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. There are play dates and school to get the interaction with other kids. Financial reasons and the desire not to go through pregnancy hell again makes so much sense.
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  5. This comment is from a 32 year-old who has been married for 2 years (will be 3 Dec. 19th) and we have no children. I don’t even know when we might start trying. My husband said 2 years; I said 5 years. We are just now feeling like we can do some things around the house and replace some things. We have one good car, which is mine, but is a sports car. I love it…I don’t want to get ride of it. My husbands car is 10 years old and we have no idea when it might decide to die. She runs well right now for her age and high mileage. I think about the finance aspect all the time…see I’m a forensic accountant. I also think about how much I love my sleep and how I am not ready to give up things for myself or time with my hubby, which sometimes isn’t very much.

    Before this becomes a novel…I guess what I am saying is I think God will just let you all know or He will make it happen. My cousin was a baby conceived while on birth control and my aunt was 40. So, I know it can happen and I know that women can have healthy pregnancies and babies after 35, but I’m right there with you on wanting to not have the high-risk issues that might come and I haven’t even had baby #1 yet!

    My advice is keep communicating with each other…keep praying and giving it to God and know that He will show you the way.

  6. Yep it’s scary, i too had a terrible first pregnancy. This go round has been pretty freaking good so far, so I’m happy I get to experience a joyful one 🙂 I have very little desire to buy all the crap I did the first time, just the basics for this little guy. I learned that I didn’t need most of that stuff and I’m happy to take hand me downs! I just knew I didn’t want to hit 40 and regret never pushing past my fears for another one. It was hard for me to get pregnant, but I can say with my whole heart that I’m glad I did!

  7. Becky,

    I empathize with you. How do you know you ask? You just know. If you have to ask yourself that question, then you are not quite there yet. Our kiddos are 4 years apart and it was not until our daughter turned 3 that we could even fathom another child. I remember waking up one day and it was like a lightbulb went out. I felt empty, like something was missing. Our family just wasn’t complete. The decision came easy I think once the Lord had laid it on my heart.

    For a time, our childcare was $1333 a month. If you were to ask me how we made it work, I couldn’t tell you. Nothing short of a miracle that’s for sure. I don’t really have any advice except to say, whatever decision you (or we as parents) make is the RIGHT decision. I feel very strongly that there is no right or wrong way in this decision you are up against. It is what is best for you and your family. The end result will be the perfect result for you and yours. I have to remind myself not to get caught up in people’s view of what or how many makes a perfect family. Whether it be 1 child or 10, whatever you have is yours. And it will be beautiful. Hugs!

  8. Hey Becky,

    I’d love to encourage you to rest in the Lord as these questions swirl around. Deciding to have more children is, wow, a biggie! Maybe the biggest question would be: am I willing to welcome children in my heart in whatever capacity God makes clear to me? That could be serving neighbor kids, helping others adopt, or having another baby. Whatever society says, laying down your life for your current family and/or growing family is precious in the sight of Him.

    My husband and I miscarried twins, tried for years to get pregnant, and are now the happy parents of a precious boy through adoption. When Jadon turned a year old, we started the paperwork for a second adoption. It could take a long time for our next little one to arrive—you never know! I’m the oldest of ten children, and am close to my siblings. My husband has one sibling whom he is close to as well, and he is excited about the idea of a bigger family. Each adoption costs at least $20,000 so I guess you could say that adopting kids will probably be our expensive hobby. 🙂

    I’m not trying to give you a guilt trip, just another sister’s story and perspective. Our society says that children are a burden . . . but when you know that you’re living your life, free and happy, looking to loving Heavenly Father for approval, then you’re unstoppable, however many kid(s) you have!

  9. For us, the decision to have a second baby was never really if, but when (God willing). We are very fortunate to have my mom keeping them and we don’t pay childcare. I always wanted two and began to really have that desire and pray about it. I don’t think anytime is really right but I felt God saying it was time and I talked to my hubby And he felt the same. I think it is different for everyone though!! Best wishes in this big decision!! 🙂

  10. I can just say pray about it. After Chase, Troy was shocked I wanted to try again. We knew there was a 50/50 chance of having another child with MDD. My first pregnancy was awful. Then when Chase was 2 1/2 we started trying for # 2. Miscarried and then tried again. As for Daycare, remember that the baby takes 9 mths…daycare for a kid in school is much less tha daycare for a baby/toddler/pre-schooler. If it is God’s choice for the 2 of you, you will find the $, time, energy. Seeing my 2 boys enjoy each other (when they are not being “brothers!” LOL) is awesome.

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